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Dragons Make Me Weepy

May 3, 2010

On Saturday night, Neal (aka the boyfriend) and I decided to go see How To Train Your Dragon. And by that I mean I listed off the movies playing and Neal said “aren’t you dying to see How To Train Your Dragon”, knowing that of course, I was. He knows me very well. I give him credit! Anyways, neither of us had ever seen a 3D movie in an Imax theatre before, so we decided to check it out. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Let me give you a few details from our adventure. I much prefer list-making to actual story telling, so I am going to give you said details in list form. Each number in the list will almost be like a mini-blog, with it’s own title. Here we go!

1. LASER SHOW: Now you might be thinking to yourself “laser show? What is that?” Well I will tell you. A laser show is a mystical bit of technology used solely for entertainment, amazement and to induce a sense of wonder in the citizens of Earth. Apparently someone out there was like “hey! People going to Imax shows would probably also appreciate an exciting intro, to get them in the mood for their cinematic adventure. How could we make the intro cool enough to be in an Imax theatre though? I know! Lets do it with lasers!!!” Oh how I wish I could meet that man. I would hug him. And possibly offer to bear his children. But I digress. So let me jump back in time a bit. I sat in the theatre, watching the trivia and also watching Neal answer every single sports trivia before the question was even over, and also watching his disgust with my lack of knowing any of the answers to the sports trivia. Given that my interest was not being fully held by said sports trivia, my attention wandered. And I noticed smoke coming out of a machine above my head. A smoke machine? Are we in a discotheque? Should I expect a strobe light in the near future? Should I be concerned for my health and safety? These were some of the thoughts that crossed my mind. Neal suggested that maybe it was to help us see the movie better, but I (knowing lots of stuff about technology…obviously) said “nay. That is silly.” And then I forgot about it and tried to answer more trivia. Mere minutes later, a booming voice came over the sound system announcing that the laser show would commence shortly, and that we should not wear our 3D glasses for it. My excitement went in to overdrive and I realized the smoke must be for the light from the lasers to reflect off the particles, thereby making the laser show much better. (see, I DO know stuff. Well not really, but I pretend to.) I don’t think I can even fairly describe the laser show because anything I say would just not do it justice. If I could describe it in one sentence it would be “trippy futuristic explosion of excitement and remarkable weirdness”. Add that to a Wizard-of-Oz-inspired booming voice directing our attention at various things, and you have a very thrilling experience. A part of me wishes I could see a whole movie of laser show. I would likely throw up. But it would be worth it.

2. I’M NOT A ROBOT. JUST A DRAGON-LOVER: So to give this part of the story some context, I need to tell you a little bit about myself. I don’t cry. It doesn’t matter whether I am sad or not. I simply do not cry. I don’t cry in movies (even the Notebook, My Sister’s Keeper or any of those movies made specifically so people will cry). I don’t cry at funerals (which seems to perturb people). I don’t when I break my wrist (I can actually be sure of this, as it has happened twice). I don’t even cry when I run over gophers accidentally (nor do I laugh…I swear). Now you (along with every member of my family, all of my friends, as well as my dog) are probably thinking “clearly, she is some kind of cyborg, some robot-human type hybrid”. Well you are wrong. I am not a robot. I still get SAD. I just don’t CRY. Now back to my story. I cried during How To Train Your Dragon. It was a very weird experience. The dragon got captured and the boy was really upset. And I found myself thinking “I’M super upset!” and then I started feeling all tingly. I started worrying that I had been wrong about the smoke being for the lasers and that I was having a reaction. Perhaps we were being gassed, and somebody was going to come in and steal all of our popcorn and Twizzlers! My mind raced with the possibilities. And as I was going over my escape routes, and how I would proceed if Neal passed out before me (leave no man behind? Or save yourself!?), I noticed something damp rolling down my cheek. Where the f did that come from? It honestly took me a good 10 seconds to realize it was my eyes that were leaking on me, and not something else. So to sum up: The Notebook, physical pain, and death don’t get me going at all, but dragons make me weepy.

3. OPPOSABLE THUMBS VS. PET DRAGON?: The above incident lead me to the realization that my attachment to dragons (and likely all things of similar nature…unicorns, hippogriffs, fairies, etc) is even stronger and more powerful than even I knew. I thus began to wonder exactly what I would do or give up, in order to have a dragon friend of my own. Here is a list of things that I really love, but that I would give up for a dragon: chocolate, rainbows, sex, windex, Glee, my dog Zuri, music, sprinklers, and the beach. I tried to think of some things that I would not give up and I came up with “opposable thumbs, sewage systems, and the sun”. And even those things are borderline. This leads me to the conclusion that I should probably seek therapy for my unhealthy obsession. The only thing that makes me feel a bit better is that I asked Neal if he would give up sex to have a pet dragon. He said “no, but I know that you would. And that’s okay.” I’m glad he accepts me for who I am.

4. THIS MOVIE IS FOR ADULTS TOO!: The last story for this blog story takes place today. Cut to me, sitting at my desk working hard. My computer goes wonky and I have to call the tech guy. While some software is downloading, he decides to break the awkward silence by asking me how my weekend was. My answer of “pretty good, thanks” was not good enough, and he wanted to know what I did. With the encouragement that he might actually care/be interested in my life, I excitedly told him that I went to see How To Train Your Dragon in Imax 3D. He then said “oh that’s cool. So did you go with some kids?” I said “No…I went with my boyfriend, who is actually an adult too.” Cue awkward silence, then finally “oh.”

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Catherine permalink
    May 9, 2010 5:24 pm

    That was hilarious.
    I’m sure the tech guy was also happy your boyfriend was an adult too.

  2. J. Pyper permalink
    May 12, 2010 2:40 pm

    Dreamworks should hire you to plug their stuff! I can’t say I’ve ever wanted to see “How To Train Your Dragon”, in fact, I didn’t even know it existed. But given this dewy-eye-opening introduction I’m going to have to march myself down to the nearest Imax 3D theater (who should also consider employing you to review their laser shows) and check it out gosh darnit!

  3. May 20, 2010 11:38 pm

    You make a valid point Julia. I SHOULD be hired by Dreamworks. But I only want to review their movies that have mystical creatures in them. And maybe spies because I also really like spy movies. WAIT. Scratch that. My mistake, I meant I like Matt Damon movies.

  4. May 21, 2010 11:45 am

    OMFG! I was trying SO hard not to laugh/smile stupidly at work. Needless to say, I failed.

    I can’t believe you never cry! I didn’t know that about you! Have you seen the movie Up? Apparently, that makes people cry too. I’ve yet to see it! Maybe we should have a movie night?

    Also, I would give up all of the above (even Glee and my dog!), but not sex. Woman, you are CRAZY.

    But when I got home after the movie, my dog came running up to me all wide-eyed and excited, and all I could say was, “Why can’t you be a dragon?!?!?!”


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