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How to Make Your Life More Like a Movie – Part One

June 1, 2010

If you are like me, you have often been disappointed with the harsh reality that real life will never be as good as life in the movies. For the most part, I blame Disney. Today, Peculiar Amusement presents to you the first of a series of posts, on some helpful ways to make your life more like a movie.

Make Even The Most Mundane Tasks Seem Epic

There is only one thing you need to do in order to make your life seem more like an epic movie. That one thing is: epic music. Here is a list of songs I suggest you add to your epic playlist:

  • The theme from Jurassic Park
  • Final Countdown – Europe
  • Mindfields – The Prodigy
  • Anything from Lord of the Rings
  • Music that has a lot of drumming and weird instruments (like Cirque du Soleil soundtracks)

Here are some examples of mundane tasks, and what kind of music you could play to make them more epic:

  • Chopping carrots or other vegetables (maybe you are making a stew, I’m not sure). You have to be careful with this one. If you play something TOO epic, you may wind up getting far too excited, and losing a finger. I suggest you play some of the Enya type music from Lord of the Rings and pretend the carrots are losing their battle and are mourning each others’ quiet deaths.
  • Peeing. I have actually done this one before, and it is what inspired me to write this post. Peeing to epic music is an eye opening experience. You will find yourself wondering “am I on a quest and do I maybe need to pee faster to save the city of Pawanshakakaaa? Will I run in to a wizard at the hand dryers? Should I throw my toilet paper roll over the stall door and follow its path on a journey to a secret world?” You will find that while listening to epic music, the answer to all of those questions, is yes.
  • Playing laser tag or paintball. While these types of games are already pretty epic, pumping some Final Countdown is going to really bring these experiences to life. I guarantee a pounding heart and mostly likely a slow motion run at some point.
  • Taking your dog for a walk. I definitely need to suggest the Jurassic Park theme here. That way as you walk through the park, you can gaze around at all the dogs “playing” and imagine that you are escaping t-rexes and velociraptors. If you need a dog that makes a good velociraptor I can let you borrow Zuri, my rhodesian ridgeback. She can open doors with her paws. It’s rather frightening.

This list is merely meant to get yourself started. Please feel free to come up with your own activities that you enjoy more when they are epic. Also please feel free to share your experiences as I am always looking for more things to make epic in my own life.

Now I feel that I am morally obliged to also give you a list of activities that should not be made epic:

  • Funerals (you might get the urge to jump in the air and do a high kick at some point. People would frown upon this).
  • Eating (choking hazard and also eating too much and feeling bloated hazard).
  • Running (seems like a good idea until you start feeling more and more epic and start running faster and faster and then you go into cardiac arrest…)
  • Sleeping (mostly because how could you EVER sleep while feeling epic? And a lack of sleep could cause problems in all your other epic activities).
  • Data analysis (sorry. Nothing can make this epic).

Next time on Peculiar Amusement: How to Ensure Your Relationship Seems Like it Could be a Romantic Comedy. Stay tuned!

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. June 1, 2010 7:44 pm

    OMG Hayleigh, I was laughing so hard reading this!!!
    I would love to be able to save a city named Pawanshakakaaa!!!!

    Here are some other mundane things to do while listening to epic music:

    -Grocery shopping. It would be like choosing the Holy Grail of food from all the cheap imitations, all Indiana Jones styles!

    Things you shouldn’t do listening to epic music:

    -Driving. You might just end up in a ditch, or a fiery explosion. As much as you want to drive crazy mad fast and then turn into a burnout (which would be accompanied by a lot of smoke and squealing), the chances of survival are slim to none.

    And my last idea would be to swim while listening to Jaws music. I’m not entirely sure if that would be a good idea, or a bad idea.

  2. June 1, 2010 8:35 pm

    Vanessa,

    I would have to agree. Driving to epic music can only result in over-ambition and ultimately, failure. If I were to go on an epic grocery shop, I would be sure to search for Lucky Charms. And swimming to Jaws music may result in peeing in the pool. Which is not the same as having an epic pee.

  3. June 1, 2010 10:33 pm

    No way. Epic music is the [i]best[/i] soundtrack for driving. When you’re charging on a metallic beast, gripping the gearshift like a battle-ax, and screaming like a maniac – what could be more appropriate? I suggest “Ride of the Valkyries” or the soundtrack from the Matrix Reloaded car chase. Bonus points for driving with one hand.

    Oh, and if your windows are open, nobody will cut you off. Ever.

    • June 2, 2010 8:53 am

      DOUBLE bonus points for driving with NO hands! (knees can work!)

      • June 2, 2010 6:10 pm

        I’m REALLY good at knee driving but Neal always freaks out when I do it… maybe he’ll feel better about it if I blast Ride of the Valkyries.

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