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Cookie Mania

June 29, 2010

Due to a lack of creativity, I suggested to a friend that she give me a random topic to blog about, and I would do it. Much to my delight, she offered up cookies as a potential blog premise. I’m not sure whether she knows about my deep, and probably slightly sociopathic relationship with cookies, but now the whole world will know (and by whole world I mean the handful of people that read this blog because I mislead them on facebook or twitter by making it seem like it’s going to be about something interesting).

COOKIES!

I love cookies. They are my favourite baked good. In fact, I have often thought of pursuing a career as a baker solely because of my love for cookies. I really empathize with the cookie monster. Actually I am a bit miffed at the cookie monster. Apparently he has changed his personal anthem from “C is for Cookie” to “A Cookie is a Sometime Food”. WTF!? This angers me. Cookies are not sometimes food. Cookies are always food. I guess he has also been cutting back on his cookie consumption and is even seen eating fruit sometimes. Really?? What is the world coming to? My ONE ally on the cookies-all-day-everyday front has now abandoned ship and sometimes eats fruit! I feel like I am fighting the good fight all by myself now. Maybe I should start a protest! I would really love an excuse to be violent and destructive for no reason… *cough *

There are a lot of different cookies out there and I love ALL of them. Here is why:

The Classic Chocolate Chip Cookie: Soft and warm or cold and crunchy, you can’t deny that the classic chocolate chip cookie is delicious any time of the day.

Oreos: Somebody once told me that drinking lots of milk helps you to lose weight. I said “That is false. I drink milk all the time and I never lose weight!” She then proceeded to ask me how I drink my milk. My response was “I drink milk normally! …with Oreos…” Enough said.

Oatmeal Raisin: An often undervalued cookie, oatmeal raisins are frequently cast aside as the boring, healthy cookie. This is exactly what makes them so great. If you feel like you have been indulging in too many treats and cookies, then you can take a health break with an oatmeal raisin cookie, and feel really good about being so health conscious.

Subway Cookies: Never buy a sub without getting 2 cookies as well. That’s sacrilegious. It goes against my religion, Cookie-ology. We believe that aliens came to earth and gave the people cookies. And it was good.

Peanut Butter Cookie: Society’s sensitivity to allergies (I call them weaknesses found only in the losers of this world. Pffff. Anaphylactic shock.  Yeah right.) has really taken a toll on the public face of the peanut butter cookie. But alas this cookie will always be my favourite. They beckon me with their criss-crossy patterns made from forks, and their simplistic, but nutty goodness.

Gingerbread Man: This cookie, while not the most delicious, is a fun and interactive cookie. If you live in Duloc, your cookie might even protest while you eat it, which could be exciting.  (“Noooo! Not my gumdrop buttons!!!!”)

Now let’s talk about all the good that cookies do in this world:

  • They bring people together. For things like cookie exchanges. And…umm… cookie themed bar mitzvahs.
  • They feed Santa.
  • They trick people into thinking that a web cookie is something delicious. I’m not sure how this is good, but I think it should be included somewhere in this blog.
  • They provide amusement and a past-time to elves.
  • They could be sent to starving countries to raise both nutrition levels AND moral.
  • They are f-ing delicious and as such induce copious amounts of joy in their consumers, all over the world.

Cookies will never let you down. Unless you are my father and think it is a good idea to a) make gingerbread men from scratch and b) make gingerbread women as well, to be politically correct.

I love cookies.

The end.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. June 29, 2010 9:48 pm

    AMEN!

    Can I also add that cookies come in all shapes and sizes? Which therefore make them awesome.

  2. June 30, 2010 8:47 am

    You might enjoy this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_sx0AGsfKo

    • June 30, 2010 12:25 pm

      You are right, I did enjoy that. I actually remember that! I forgot to mention a glass of cookie juice on the side…drat.

  3. Catherine permalink
    June 30, 2010 11:19 am

    You forgot to mention how cookies can be ‘the only good thing in a persons life right now’ and will render them unable to share their cookies with anyone even beleagured classmates who merely want to know how the cookie tastes and never fathomed even asking for a morsel of cookie!

    I want a cookie right now.

    • June 30, 2010 12:26 pm

      I know! Gosh I have too many cookie-related stories to tell them all in a blog post. I very clearly remember my feelings of anxiety that you were going to want a bite of my cookie. I felt like a lion protecting it’s kill. Cookies bring out my primal nature.

  4. Megan permalink
    July 2, 2010 12:38 pm

    How rude. I am deeply offended by your comment: “Gingerbread Man: This cookie, while not the most delicious, is a fun and interactive cookie.”
    Gingerbread cookies are delicious and offer both sweetness and spicyness , thus allowing you to increase the quantity of cookies consumed. Which falls nicely in line with my food theories. Such as “What if I never get to eat this again?” and therefore I should eat as much as possible theory.

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