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Ten Years Ago vs Now

August 14, 2010

My friend Jenna suggested to me that I write a blog comparing my life 10 years ago, to my life now. I’m pretty sure she suggested the topic because she actually knew me 10 years ago, and as such knows exactly how awkward and embarrassing I was. My hypothesis is that not much has changed.

Ten Years Ago: I was 5’11, 120 lbs, had a uni-brow, thought that white eye shadow looked good as lipstick too, and wore a giant orange turtle-neck sweater most days. Now: I am one inch taller, 30 lbs heavier, don’t have a unibrow (but do get the occasional and extremely unsettling cheek hair), don’t own any white eye shadow OR lipstick, and wear the same sweater everyday because I leave it at my work as my “work sweater”. Conclusion: Not much has changed. Except that I am larger and own tweezers. And hopefully look less like a preying mantis.

Ten Years Ago: I wore a long khaki skirt on my first day of tenth grade, because long khaki skirts were really cool. I excitedly sat on the bleachers in the gym with all my friends, while a teacher let us know what to expect from the tenth grade. To show off my awesome athletic and daring side, I jumped off the bleachers and yelled “Hiiiiiiiya!”. And I ripped my long khaki skirt all the way up the side. Now: I went to the opening of the twirly slide in my new, “fun” office building on Monday. I (thankfully) didn’t win the raffle to be the first person down the slide, but I did get overcome by curiosity, and eventually took a turn. After being told to keep my feet up, I eased myself into the slide and began my journey. At the first twist of the slide, my lanky body flipped itself around so I was flying down the slide sideways, my legs thumping along painfully, and my foot scraping the side the whole way down. I came whizzing out the bottom at max speed and landed on my butt. The president of the company shook my hand and told me I should have gotten a speeding ticket for that. I am now missing a layer of skin on the top of my foot. Conclusion: I am still just as klutzy as ever.

Ten Years Ago: I watched Felicity and thought it was really cool that she recorded herself speaking on cassette tapes, and sent them to her aunt. I didn’t have an aunt who wanted to listen to cassette tapes of me talking. But I recorded them anyway, and kept them in a drawer. And then I invited friends over and made them listen to them. I talked mostly about life and occasionally sang Little Mermaid songs. Now: I write a blog and post the link on all my friends’ Facebooks, attempting to force them to read it. And if they still haven’t read it when they come to my apartment, I load it on my Mac, pass it to them, and make them read it while I watch (to be sure they are paying attention to the funny bits). And I still sing Little Mermaid songs but I try not to force people into listening as I get a bit repulsed when people’s ears bleed. Conclusion: Technology is pretty much the only thing that has changed. Actually, the content has changed too. It used to be along the lines of “I don’t have a boyfriend because I’m tall and look like a preying mantis”.  And now it’s more along the lines of “I’m so lucky, because Neal doesn’t judge me for saying that I would give up sex if I could have a dragon friend”.

Ten Years Ago: I frequently danced in my basement to loud music and sang along. Sometimes I made music videos. Today: I still dance around to loud music except that technically if I danced in my basement, I would be dancing in somebody else’s apartment, so I don’t do that. Conclusion: Dancing around to loud music will always be really fun. It will also always be really embarrassing when people walk in and catch you. (It used to be my dad, now it’s strangers and my realtor, showing my apartment).

Ten Years Ago: Alcohol scared me and I was really nervous I was going to accidentally drink some of it because of something called “peer pressure” (which always seemed like more of a mystical term to explain everything bad that might happen while you were a teenager, than an actual thing). I once called my parents from a pay phone outside a Superstore because my friends were trying to get some guy to buy us booze. I was feeling uneasy and uncomfortable with the situation and decided to tell my friends I had forgotten about a babysitting job and then I got my parents to pick me up. My parents were so excited that I called them to pick me up because I was uncomfortable with the underage drinking, that their trust in my decision making abilities grew ten-fold and I suddenly found myself with more freedom than ever before. How I used that freedom, is another story for another day. Today: Most Saturday nights I make myself a large mug of tea and settle in with a book or a movie. Sometimes I knit. I go out with my cousins and sometimes stay out as late as 11pm. And then I let them stay at my apartment, and I don’t even wake up when they come home at 4am. Then I make them breakfast. Conclusion: I always have been, and always will be 80 years old at heart.

I think it is safe to say that my initial hypothesis was correct. Cheers to another ten years of being awkward, embarrassing, and what polite people like to call “a free spirit”.

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. August 15, 2010 1:22 pm

    Whoa, back up. You have a slide in your office? That. Is. Awesome. Are they hiring?

    …Seriously, are they hiring?

    • August 15, 2010 2:35 pm

      We do have a slide! But it has been closed ever since that fateful opening day… I think it failed some safety tests, which does not surprise me at all, considering my neath death experience. And somebody just resigned the other day, so a position *may* be opening up sometime in the near future (shhh!) But I don’t know what kind of qualifications they’ll be looking for (or if they’ll even hire somebody else. Lately people have left, and other people who already work there just absorb the extra work…)

    • August 15, 2010 4:39 pm

      Poor neglected slide. Maybe the Czechs were involved…

  2. August 16, 2010 2:07 pm

    Ten Years Ago: I was a hairy beast.
    Today: I am still a hairy beast (thank god for razors, wax, and tweezers though!). I feel you on the cheek hair.

    Ten Years Ago: I thought Vagina was such a funny word.
    Today: I still think Vagina is a funny word. However, Vajazzled has taken its place. It still involves the same body part, but with sparkly bits. And hey, if Jennifer Love Hewitt says having a vagina that sparkles like a disco ball is fun, then I’m sure it is. But I’ll still smile every time I say Vajazzled.

    Also, I need to stop reading your blog at work. It’s incredibly difficult trying to hide my laughter from everyone. And then I get those painful inward laughs… the ones you smother with your hand over your mouth as you shake with convulsions. PAIN.

  3. Jenn permalink
    August 16, 2010 6:35 pm

    Your ear bleeding comment reminded me that the other day I saw a girl whose nose bled so bad that it made her ears bleed…apparently it’s a rare complication of a nose bleed.

    • Jenn permalink
      August 16, 2010 6:36 pm

      Ooh- I got a creepy potato person beside my name! How did your blog know what I look like on the inside?

      • August 16, 2010 8:03 pm

        I’ve programed my blog to analyze a person’s personality based on the speed and pressure of their keystrokes, combined with their word choice and content. It’s very advanced programming.

  4. Shannon permalink
    August 17, 2010 12:53 pm

    I must see that school picture of the white lips, probably almost as funny as the picture of you in the spandex unitard!

    • August 19, 2010 9:05 am

      I’ll bring my yearbook back when I go to Calgary for Thanksgiving! I’m pretty sure there’s plenty other embarrassing things we could uncover by flipping through my old yearbooks…

      • Jenna Wakely permalink
        August 21, 2010 3:02 am

        A certain haircut, perhaps? unless you’ve burned all those photos….

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