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Man Time

November 19, 2010

This post is the result of some investigatory journalism. Today, on Peculiar Amusement, I reveal some of the long held secrets of the clandestine events that often take place during “Man Time”. I cannot disclose where I got such top secret information from, as it would likely result in attempts on my life.  Should you choose to read on, I would recommend scattering mirrors around and keeping a watchful eye. They may come for you.

1. Tickle Fights. This may be one of the best kept secrets of man time. But I am here to tell you, that once the women leave, tickle fighting ensues. To be fair, the tickle fight usually only occurs between two men who have had a man-ship (man relationship) for many years. Tickle fighting is akin to leaving the door open when you pee. It is only permitted once the relationship has reached a certain level of trust, and comfort. You may be asking yourself “but why? Why tickle fights?” To that, I can only say ‘I wish I knew.” Presumably, the answer to that question remains hidden deep in the rainforest somewhere, with the rest of life’s mysteries.

2. Beer. You may be thinking that beer and man time go together like unicorns and my yearly birthday wish. And you would be correct. So what’s the big revelation? The revelation, my friends, is the things they will do to obtain the beer. No moral boundary remains un-tested, when you combine beer and man time. If a four year old is on hand, he will certainly gain a full education in the art of beer-fetching. He may even earn his degree if he manages to succeed after being told “the beers might be up high in the fridge. You should get your stool from the bathroom.”

3. Secret Language. It took a lot of hard work and determination, but I have finally cracked the code, and deciphered the meanings to the majority of the words and phrases of the Manictionary. Here are the highlights:

Behhhhrsses: How many beers have we had?

Buuuhhr: More beer.

Fwarhhh: We should put a beer fridge up here.

Srrrahhhhpt: Sports are good.

4. Blueprints. Men often use their man time to work on the blue prints for their man cave. A man cave becomes necessary when a man lives amongst distractions, and cannot procure a suitable amount of peace and quiet to devote to his man time practice. The designs for a man cave take time to create, especially when the men creating the blueprints are under the influence of beers and sports. Often the man cave blueprints become so elaborate that a woman has to be called in to scale back the designs and restore a sense of reality.

5. Illicit sleeping. Occasionally a woman walks in on man time. Much awkwardness and confusion can often ensue, as the men exhibit slurred speech, their faces go pink with embarrassment, and they refuse to meet your gaze. Until now, women have never been able to identify the reason for the awkwardness. I can now tell you with a degree of certainty, that the men in question were likely partaking in illicit sleeping. This usually takes place on a couch, and involves an uncomfortable, seated posture. Many men have also been observed to sleep with one hand protectively wrapped around their beer. Walking in on illicit sleeping is ill-advised. Should you choose to do it, please proceed with caution. There is no telling what a startled man caught in man time sleep will do.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the results of my foray into investigatory journalism. Should you wish to contribute to the list of discoveries about man time, please feel free to do so in the comment section.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. betty permalink
    November 19, 2010 1:39 pm

    that 4 year old sounds like one lucky little man!

  2. November 19, 2010 2:33 pm

    (!!!) You know too much! Possible courses of action will be discussed over buuuhhr during future man time.

    And whichever one of us you spied on using a four-year-old clearly had one in it’s early training stages. All beer-fetching four-year-olds should have clearance to use their stools without direction. tsk tsk… sloppy journalism.

    • November 19, 2010 2:34 pm

      I’m going to blame the current tickle fight for making me lose concentration and spell “its” as “it’s.”

      • November 19, 2010 7:21 pm

        I know how distracting tickle fights can be, so I will overlook the grammatical error. And I admit to no knowledge of child spies.

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